The following statement is Earth Shattering, it is bigger then the River Song conundrum, the ending of Lost and whether Sam Tyler really was in a Coma, Mad or Back In Time. It will break friendships, rend marriages and destroy whole communities.
There really is no easy way to say this. "I don't really like The Goonies", even more Earth Shattering is my second opinion "The Goonies isn't really very good"
As a child of the 80s The Goonies was very squarely aimed at me, its group of ragtag misfits were meant to spark a sympathy within me. There should be one I could identify with be it Chunk the Fat Kid, Data the inventor or Mouth the Mouthy One. I never could choose one and perhaps that is the problem. These characters are so structured they are archetypes and really feel extremely unreal. Let me elaborate.
Chunk - Fat kid eats constantly, butt of jokes, cowardly except when food is mentioned.
Data - Oriental kid with wacky inventions (how original)
Big Brother - Exercises a lot a bit of a Jock. Cool.
Mouth - Gobby little shit
Andy - Love interest for Jock pretty.
Other girl - Nerdy, streetwise, obvious foil for Mouth whom she pretends to hate.
Main Kid - Bland and characterless, dedicated.
It seems unfair to accuse such a well regarded film of being bad but look at the evidence. The plot is paper thin and hugely unbelievable, dialogue is cringe worthy and acting is a poor as would be expected for a film starring kids. The whole film seems to be cobbled together in a way that is designed to appeal to as many kids as possible and it shows in its level of nonsense.
That aside set design is great and the character of Sloth physically well realised. If only this wasn't coupled with a score that often seems stolen from another film and the most ham fisted sexist, racist, disabledest and fattest story in existence it could be forgiven. After all the middle third of the film showing the exploration of the secret passages is actually well done, this really isn't enough to redeem the film in my eyes however.
A poor film with an undeserved reputation and a huge amount of pink lensed nostalgia.
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