I am sorry. I am oh so sorry. I wanted to like this, I started to like this. I thought it might recover at the halfway point. It didn't. Predators joins the growing list of lazy films that make me angry.
I think I had better explain just why Predators has left me a seething ball of rage.
The film employs several lazy tropes that we have seen time and time again. Namely…
- Inventing a subspecies or character simply for plot reasons (“the other predator can take us to the ship”)
- Having a BIGGER BADDER version of the baddy (alien 4, Jaws 2)
- A character that seems nice but is evil.
- A tough guy that has survived.
- Original bad guy vs new bad guy
- New Bad guy variants
- A character stays behind for a one on one sword fight… which happens even though we see Predators elsewhere happily shoot helpless prey.
- Escaping craft gets blown up
- Escapee wasn't on craft
If that isn't insulting enough our film also seems to follow its own crazy logic
- A pack of dogs are almost invulnerable…unless they are not when a single shot kills
- Am I bad.. am I good… do I help you… Do I not. Motives are totally inexplicable and all over the place.
- The Tough Guy that has escaped 10 seasons of hunting manages to forget everything he has learnt and get killed stupidly and easily.
- Those dogs? Where did they go, we never see them again despite it being clear they are hunting dogs and should be in or near the enemy camp?
- Why are the roach creatures caged when the humans are not. They should have been knocked out too?
- A massive bunch of frag grenades at close range can’t hurt a predator… a sword and a bullet can… and where did those frag grenades appear from. We don’t see them before or after. They would have been useful to escape the ship earlier wouldn’t they?
- They yomp across an open plain. A character comments that the sun hasn't moved. Then after more jungle we see a skyscape… shouldn't he have spotted the alien planets? THEN IT GETS DARK! When did the sun start moving?????
Then there were the niggles.
- An uber Predator race are you fucking kidding me?
- The cloak is now invisibility rather then camouflage
- How did bignose light all that fire at the end?
- Why would Predators consider a sneaky serial killer a proper challenge? Its like hunting a trapdoor spider.
- Where do all the dogs go!
- Why does Mr Tough insist on being quiet after firing a goddamned gun?
- Who's ship was he hiding in and why didn't the Predators check it at least once in the 10 seasons?
- AN UBER FUCKING PREDATOR ARE YOU FUCKING JOSHING?
I tried to like it. It was pretty and sounded great. It was well acted and the score and effects were lovely. My bugbear of CGI was not even noticed. I did try. However when you can tear so many plotholes into a film that it looks like a 70’s punks vest after a particularly rough Buzzcocks gig there is a problem.
That is why I am angry. Like so many outings lately this COULD have been a great film. With more attention to detail and harsher scrip editing we COULD have had a classic. Instead we have an angry fat man ranting on an unread blog.
RENT OR BUY (if you have no sense)