Saturday, 4 December 2010

The Marsupials: The Howling III

Arrrrrghhhhhh save meeeeeeee…….

It really would not be fair to post the review i wanted to and drafted after watching this film last night. After all simply writing WTF is often considered lazy. So here we go attempting to rationalise what I have just seen.

The Marsupials: The Howling III is the most incredibly inept, badly acted and cheap mainstream movie I have EVER seen. Honestly I have seen video nasty's that put this film in the shade. In fact Creepazoids and Slave Girls From beyond Infinity actually start to look like Spartacus compared to this stinking offal.

vlcsnap-2010-12-03-20h40m21s65Believe me I am the least weird film in this film….

The biggest problem the film has is that it really seems to have no clue what it is. Is it a horror, a moral tale perhaps or a comedy. Well it isnt horrific, the morality is bizarre and it is about as funny as an anal prolapse while dancing with your Boss at an office party.

The story “hinges” around the attempt to integrate Lycanthropes into our society, which I could fall in with if it didn't also establish that they were vicious evil killers? It also spends a fair amount of time glossing over the fact that our male lead FALLS IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN DSPITE HER BIG HAIRY POUCH! No that is not a metaphor for Vulva, she has a big hairy one of them too. The woman literally has a hairy kangaroo style pouch. Our “hero” is so blind he doesn't seem to see anything wrong in this at all.

vlcsnap-2010-12-03-20h33m28s28Ummmm so sexy

Add in some bizarre ambiguity over provenance of her twisted (supposedly cute) spawn and the sheer vomit worthy level of moralising over sheer nonsense we see here and you have a film that is see deeply flawed that it is shattered. It isn't fun and every….damn….second…feels….like…a…total…slog…through….slime…and…filth…poorly ….presented ….as….a….moral ….tale.

The film jumps so badly it feels like we have had half of it removed. Seriously, we seem to go past week, months, years without any warning People appear and go again with no idea of who they are.

In fact I am starting to wonder if it was all a fever dream. Did I have a bad pint last night?

vlcsnap-2010-12-03-20h59m21s205What THE FUCK. Is this meant to be??? I don't know WHAT this is trying to be???

AVOIDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

Paul Out….Jesus I should get paid to do this shit…..

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