Thursday, 11 February 2010


Saying Crank is a slightly manly film is a bit like saying Mama Mia is a bit of an abortion not worthy for inclusion on Gods green Earth. In the scale of Manlyness Crank is pretty far up there right next to drinking 10 pints and not hurling and shagging for 1hr straight without nary a break. If Crank was a dog it would be a Pit-bull / Rottweiler cross… on angel dust and with sore bollocks.

For example. Have you ever wondered what a gun chase in cars, on city roads, while getting a blowjob from a gorgeous blonde would be like?


How about entering a Black Bar and starting a brawl armed with just a hand gun and a suit?


Holding a crash trolley hostage in a hospital while it is pushed through the corridors searching desperately for a much needed drug?

You guessed it. Crank.

So the question is, doesn’t this make Crank a stupidly high Octane and incredibly far fetched nonsense ride through sex, drugs and extreme violence? The answer? Yes…yes it does. And it is glorious.vlcsnap-00081If you want your action highbrow (does such a thing exist?) then avoid Crank like the plague. If, however, like most men in the world you would rather see Jason Statham wisecracking, killing and fucking Amy Smart…from behind…in public, all to stay alive, then Crank is for you.

Essentially Crank is poorly written crap. It is far fetched and unbelievable, but do you know what? I couldn't give a flying fuck because it is tremendously fun!

This is all achieved by the simple ye original plotline. Chev (Jason Statham) has been poisoned with an exotic Chinese mix. It will kill him and the only way to counteract it is endless amounts of adrenaline. Add a sexy, ditsy and simply gorgeous girlfriend that is totally unaware of your secret life (and is up for some dirty action). Get in…vlcsnap-00089The ending is sadly a bit of a letdown with the feeling that it has suddenly become rather rushed and even more contrived, however i will forgive it that as it didn't exactly set a high bar in the first place.

Well recommended for a rent. Don't expect any girlyness though. This is the Yorkie of movies.

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