Saturday, 5 December 2009

Terminator Salvation

You know when you watch a sequel of a much beloved film and you think its even better, then after another huge gap another sequel comes out, you watch it and it just seems wrong. Then before you can catch your breath a third sequel hits your screens. This one is bigger, better, badder and promises to fix the mistakes that part 3 made. So you watch it.. and IT MAKES YOU FUCKING ANGRY.

I'm sorry to anybody that condoned or perhaps even liked this film but it is complete and utter crushed donkey bollocks. The flaws are myriad and so dreadful that i want to kill the chap responsible, what's his name? McG, WTF McG? No wonder it is shit when the director sounds like the free gift from the new McDonalds Adult Happy Meal range (you can also get the Grimace Buttplug and the Hamburgler Ramburger Dildo). Watching Terminator Salvation is like taking a much loved Icon (say Monroe) and revealing that she starred in a German Scheitzer flick. Then releasing it and marketing it directly to Monroe fans. If Michael Bay made Terminator films…they would look like this.

Some points.

Skynet has nuked pretty much the entire planet. They likely have a network of satellites monitoring every inch of the Earth. Obviously with this in mind THE RESISTANCE WILL NOT HAVE AIRCRAFT.vlcsnap-00023 WIth the above in mind THEY WILL NOT HAVE ABOVE GROUND BASES.

WIth the above in mind ANY GROUND ACTIVITY WOULD BRING A FLEET OF HKS FASTER THEN THE DINNER GONG IN 1980s ETHIOPIA (sorry)

WIth the above in mind the earth will be pretty dark and crappy, radiation will be an issue and we would be very unlikely to see BRIGHT FUCKING DAYLIGHT.

If Skynet knows Kyle Reese is Conners dad WHY NOT JUST FUCKING KILL HIM

Since when have bullets WORKED ON FUCKING TERMINATORS

Where were the dogs?

Why did the Arnie Terminator just throw John around a lot. Why not JUST FUCKING KILL HIM.

Just how tough isJjohn. He puts some massive dents in the big aluminium server racks. Most peoples backs would at least twinge.

Why in gods name does an automated mainframe production plant HAVE A FUCKING HUMAN STYLE CONTROL ROOMvlcsnap-00027

Why did they fix Malcolm? Was it purely to gloat in a TOTALLY NON SKYNET TYPE WAY

How the fuck can Humans that could NOT have advanced since judgment day perform a heart transplant in an open tent IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING WARZONE. (See point 1!)

How the FUCK does a helicopter outrun a Nuke?vlcsnap-00028

I really really hated this. I bought T3 on a whim (and at a cheap price). This fucker is going back and will NOT be gracing my DVD shelf on a permanent basis. Its like the fucking Batman franchise all over again.

To make this negative review a whole lot sweeter her is a picture of a C*"@t.mcg Yes its McG and that picture explains it all.

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