Tuesday, 1 December 2009

A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

I found this film ranged from looking promising to getting tired to hugely disappointing…all in the space of just 1 hour and 30. It starts nice enough, we are back with Alice (the avatar for Freddie's excursions in the re-jigged mythology) but Freddy has somehow managed to renter the world. This time he can kill even when she is awake. How fucking scary eh?vlcsnap-00018

NO. Its not, all the suspense, all the drama has gone. Scared to sleep? Scared to be alive more like. Its like somebody has now completely lost Wes Cravens original concept. To add insult to injury we now bring in the character of Amanda Kruegar who has gone from being Freddie's hapless mother raped by madmen, to some kind of almighty Mary figure. Throw in an annoying child and you really have the recipe for disaster.vlcsnap-00019

Freddy 5 as i will disdainfully call it, meanders through the history of Elm Street, taking what it wishes and pissing over everything in the process. Like an incontinent Hobo who has imbibed one too many White Lightnings it seems to have massive memory loss. The Asylum for instance is a gothic monstrosity with bizarre caged lights and gargoyles galore. This of course being the same asylum that 3 film earlier was just a wing of a very normal, if slightly unorthodox, hospital for troubled children. Freddie's iconic clawed hand is used once…to cut paper. While we are on the subject WHEN did he become wolverine. Snik Snik every time he flexed his fingers, which was far too often. Lets not mention the gore…well lets actually. Where in the name of holy dogs bollocks was it? Strange ultrasounds and bizarre patient confidentiality add some salt but ripping off Labyrinth liberally runs it in.

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So once Freddy chews his way through most (three) of Alices friends good defeats evil and we all live happily ever after. I am off to bed now, I’m not scared to sleep as Freddy can get me anytime, but he wont slice me up so as long as I don't have a hilariously ironic way to die I'm safe!

How about this for a game. Lets play the “how will Freddy kill people” Game!

Hmmm

David Beckham – Death by exploding football.

Paris Hilton – Simply buggered to death

James May – Strangled by hair…slowly

See its ironic, not horrific and generally shit.

Paul out…shit film, not as shit as 4 possibly but shit nonetheless

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