Wednesday, 4 November 2009

V – Episode 1 (2009)

V was an unexpected hit in the 80’s its hard gritty storytelling and undertones of fascist unrest alongside eerie voiced aliens that were intent on wiping out humanity after inveigling themselves into power was brilliant. Just the sort of wishy washy nonsense begging for a reboot. Hang on. It WAS gritty. It WAS well plotted. There was very little in the original miniseries that does not stand up to scrutiny this very day so why reboot? I asked  the imaginary producers in my mind some probing questions on the matter.

Perhaps we can make the effects better? Oh look its a giant humming disc, Oh no hang on its a big rumbling FUCKING GENERIC SPACESHIP.Judging by the seriously ropy CGI in this NOPE. The model work in the original was far superior.

Make the aliens more threatening by making them harder to spot?

Why do this! The fact that they were ALMOST human in the original lead to their menace and hiding as one of us has just been done to death by BSG.

Impressive sets? All that wasted fucking space, FFS, ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.No! Huge CGI spaceship interiors just are wrong. Why waste all that space. Think logically!

OK perhaps as a series we can draw it out more, make the suspense more suspenseful?

Well you fucked that right up when you told us the whole plot 30 minutes into the show!

Well in the original series they never actually said V as such so lets call them V’s incessantly to the point of extreme annoyance?

For fuck sake that was the point. V was an ambiguous title. Was it V for Visitors or V for Victory? If they had actually thought about it V meant the latter in the original.

V graffiti rock on, how cool, lets use it to spread the word!

NO NO FUCKING NO, the V was used to DEFACE the visitors propaganda posters for fuck sake. Did you even watch the original. It was a symbol of rebellion not worship. V for Victory. Did you miss the slightly major war that this was an allegory of. In this case the persecution is of Scientists rather then Jews etc? Well? Did you?No, we heard it was good and decided to cash in.Sorry for ranting but I hear V has been well received, well in that case you are fucking morons. Leave it be, the original was far superior to this cheap ripoff shite.

Do not bother, I hope it tanks like the similarly woeful Knight Rider.

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