Wednesday, 5 August 2009

HOW FUCKING MUCH!!

I spent today at Burghley House in Lincolnshire with my lovely wife and kids and great fun was to be had, since my last visit to the House a lot of work has been done on the tourist experience and it really is a delight of architecture and opulence. We kicked off with Deer straight away with some beautiful and very tame Fallow Deer grazing in the area near the House entrance. DOH! a deerThe house from outside is already so Beautiful it is almost palatial in scope. Here is my pic of one of the wings (don't ask which I’m a tourist not a historian). House innitWe stumped up the £29 for our family ticket to the house and Gardens, a bitter pill but given the sweetness inside the House not one i would choke on. Unfortunately photography is not allowed inside the sumptuous house so the credit for these images goes elsewhere, I say unfortunately, I imagine a few flashbulbs would soon leach these fantastic paintings and tapestries of their majesty so I’m OK with that..

After the House we took a tour around the Sculpture Garden (which is no longer free…bah) and the Gardens of Surprise which were great fun and very, very wet. Keep your shoes dry A  quick trip back to the car for a change of clothes and perhaps its time to head off to the Orangery for a cuppa. I expected it would be pricey as these places always are. The Orangery is really lovely, it is large and airy a predecessor of today's conservatories.Prepare for wallet surgeryMy lady went off to get the tea while I gingerly lowered myself (ouch) into the chair (I must get to the quacks with my back (even though he will just say “lose weight”)) she returns to the table laden with 4 ice creams, a pot of tea for two, a scone and a bottle of water. The damage? £15.80. That's Fifteen Pounds and eighty pence!!! Seriously here is the receipt.

Ex-fucking-scuse-fucking-me?

Maybe i went for super expensive made by virgins tea? Perhaps the ice cream was hand churned by Tibetan monks on the side of Mount Kilimanjaro. Maybe the water was gold plated and filtered through the finest diamonds? Nope. 2 Magnums, a tiny tub of chocolate ice cream, a cornetto, pot of bog standard tea and some spring water (330mls of!!!!!) from exotic Harrogate Spa (or maybe Peckham spring?). Proof?

and he has SMALL hands

expensive belgian chocolate (oh hang on its a £1.70 magnum!)

Look its Tea. I bet its PG tips.

Perhaps the decor was truly fantastic with real fresh flowers and a personal topless waitress service. Nope, plastic flowers and self service.

PlasticMaybe I am expecting too much but surely the practice of extracting the still beating souls of customers wallets was outlawed in the 18th century? The only explanation I can find is that the whole enterprise is being run by a gang of hard nosed tourist exploiting wankstains. I can only imagine how badly the tourists with exchange rate issues get fleeced by the bunch of shyster bastards.

Did I complain. No that's not me. I ate my food and drank my tea all of which was nice but not 15.80 nice (sorry Mr Walls) and left. With pockets full of sugar and chocolate wiped on the previously spotless tablecloth, my true vengeance will be in a review… and you have just read it. Here's that receipt in full.

Wankers

Paul Out…and still bloody annoyed.

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