Monday, 15 June 2009

McDonalds, Troughs, Women's Clothing and “My Bathroom”

I’ve had quite a busy day today out and about spending the Working Family Tax Credits. First stop of the day was B & Q and an appointment with fear. You see, my bathroom is dying. Not just slightly dying but really curled up and starting to smell of cabbage dying. The shower…kaput (well the power bit anyway) the floor tiles have peeled due to some lazy arse (me) not laying them properly 6 years ago. After struggling with a very fussy cold basin tap (twist and pull for water) the hot tap also went tits up (twist and pull and wait…wait…wait). The toilet seat broke AGAIN. I think we have had 4 now since we have been here (its my fat arse i suppose) I have therefore spent the last few weeks either peeing carefully through the seat, removing the seat entirely or sitting gingerly like a complete girl. All have their risks with even the sitting option having the risk of tipping you inelegantly to the floor mid-flow, only for the resulting clean up to take hours due to the non-working taps.

ENOUGH.

So I left B & Q with a plain white toilet seat (not the bright blue one my son begged for) some basin taps, washers and a wrench. There was also some degree of anal twitching fear as always accompanies any DIY adventures.

On to lunch, being exceptionally lazy and needing to maintain bulk for the batting average on bust crapper seats we went to McDonalds where I sat pondering their new arty farty refurb. Here it is…

Ignore the blur, its the first round of Big MacsVery nice isn’t it?

Well it would be if we liked communal eating. I cant think of anything worse then to having to share a bloody great table with a load of strangers. How many comfortable and discrete tables could they have got in that space. As you can see at 1215 this was a HUGE hit with the punters. As i ponder it becomes reminiscent of another eating space… now what would that be?

Oh yes, McDonalds are now providing us with a fucking trough!

pig_trough next they expect us to line up and piss in a line too! Oh…

Uridan-GR1200-3-G-waterless-1200mm-long-trough-urinal-from-Watersave-AustraliaAnyway enough of Fat Rons. With my greasy treat nestling inside me we head off to the next stop…The Clothing Store.

Well actually its not that bad, my wife is exceptionally good at clothes shopping basically choosing, trying and buying very quickly. I can honestly say I was impressed with the results. Foxy :D. It did lead me onto one thing that always strikes me in clothes shops and I think I have an idea. I am planning to dress Kangaroos in the t-shirts depicted below. Achingly hot chick not includedWell apparently nothing ever jumps out and says buy me…

Then it was onto the toilet seat. After I had evacuated the Big Macs I changed the seat (next time do it THE OTHER WAY AROUND) and changed the taps.

The river of water currently coursing down the stairs indicates that maybe, rather then getting sidetracked and posting on this blog, I would have been better off with my original plan of pulling up yell.com for a plumber.

Paul Out…and starting to float.

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