Sunday, 17 May 2009

Cold and Dark 2005

If you want to see a dark, elaborate and brilliantly plotted horror with great acting and wonderful characterisation then …. well Cold and Dark is not for you.

PDVD_017 Its very simply a vampire flick nothing more, nothing less. The vampire in this case is shown with some extremely shoddy CGI and inhabits the dead body of a UK (Merseyside by accents) gun toting, law flouting, plays by his own rule Cop. (note cop not the usual British term of Copper).

Poor characterisation and CGI aside Cold and Dark could work, maybe, as an episode of something on TV. As a film however there is a myriad of flaws. PDVD_020

The very title evokes images of Magnet and Steel, Max and Paddys crime fighting duo. The names also are in this mould with good old DS Dark and DI Shade taking centre stage. Another huge niggle for me is the Americanisation of the subject. Why UK filmmaker think they need to make things closer to American ideals I don't know but here are a few facts for our overseas cousins. Police Officers do not carry personal sidearms, yes we do have armed Police but they need 35 forms signed in triplicate by 3 Inspectors and a sitting MP to even LOOK at a gun, let alone carry it. British number plates (licence plates)  are white at the front and yellow at the back. British police (even detectives) do not have a big brass shield to indicate this. In fact police don't even have a Warrant Card anymore. Just a plastic ID badge. Also smoking in Offices has been a no no for YEARS and was actually made illegal a few years ago. Now I’m all for artist license but doesn't drama work more effectively when these constraints are written around rather then just ignored?

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I was going to go easy on Cold and Dark but while writing this review I have realised something. I want the last 2 hours of my life back! DO NOT TOUCH. Nothing can excuse CGI like this.

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Paul Out

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